About the Writing of Gemma (Continued)

view, without judgment. Immediately, my step-father’s face flashed into my mind, followed by my mother’s ex-boyfriend of twelve years who was also a violent man and a pedophile, then my step-grandfather who molested me when I was five, and another family member who forced me to perform a sex act when I was seven. Everyone was writing, I could hear their pens scrambling across the page, everyone but me. I sat there paralyzed. Memories of these abusers stealing my air, making my face run hot and cold. I couldn’t write. Just sat there shaking. I wasn’t able to get one word on the page.

Luckily for me, the class ran over and I didn’t have to read my nothing. It was after eleven o’clock at night by the time I got home. I was too agitated to go to bed, so I went into my writing room and tried to write. Finally around two o’clock, something broke, and Hazen’s voice dropped in. He wanted to tell me about the first

time he had sex with Gemma. I was shaking when I was finished writing the piece. Felt slightly nauseous, coated in him somehow, needed to take a shower. Gemma’s voice took longer to find. I actually didn’t even know I was looking for it. Just knew that I didn’t, couldn’t make this short story into the novel that my agent, Charlotte Sheedy was insisting I write. Then one day, Gemma started talking to me and I thought, “Ah… Now I can finally write this book.”

ALSO: In an Interview on Bookslut, I talk more about writing Gemma with Amanda Witherell. Read more

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