writing

I threw out a whole chapter today.  Just kept four sentences from the old chapter and those I re-wrote.  How can a whole chapter be worthless?  Not add anything of any value to the structure or the story?  How could I have thought that this manuscript was so great when I finished the first draft two years ago.  And thank God I put it away for a while.  It needed sooo much work.  How could I have been so blind?  There is so much there that is just not necessary.  So much dead wood.  So much to remove and discard.  And then, the next day, I go back to what I had worked on the day before and am stunned to see how much more needs fixing on this piece that I was finally able to leave alone the previous day, thinking that it was so much better, smoother.

I’m at that point with the manuscript were no matter how much I manage to get done, it doesn’t feel like enough.  And the little finger on my left hand and the thumb on my right hand are tired.  The little finger feels slightly bruised and the right thumb sore, like it might get a small blister if I keep abusing it in this way.  I must sit crooked in my chair that these two digits are getting more stressed than the others.  Actually, I just noticed, I am sitting crooked, my left foot tucked up under the thigh of my right leg.  My right foot, out to the side and resting on the floor.  Let me switch and see if it helps.

Okay, now I’ve got my right foot tucked under and my left foot on the floor.  And yes, my little finger and thumb are not quite so cranky, but my body is complaining because it isn’t used to being tucked up on this side. 

It’s like when my children were young.  I’d automatically carry them perched on my right hip.  I’d try to carry them on both sides equally so I wouldn’t get lopsided and get a crick in my neck, or throw my back out, but it was to no avail.  When ever my mind was occupied.  (Which was around 98% of the time) up would fly my children, snuggled in tight on my right.

Well, my body is still feeling awkward with this position.  It’s weird how just switching can make such a difference in how my fingers are feeling.  Interesting.

Anyway, as I was saying, I’m at this point in my manuscript that even though I’m moving forward, pushing my way through pages, I feel like I’m standing still.  Like I’ve made no progress.  I just write and re-write and then re-write again.  Take yesterday, for example.  Yesterday I woke up with the realization that how I started the chapter before the chapter I had just finished after four days of work was off.  So, reluctantly, I went back, changed tossed out the old start, wrote a new one and then had to spend the entire days work, re-working the work that I’d just worked!  Yes, I know that is a confusing mouthful, but I’ve been re-writing too much, so I’m just going to leave it.  It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense to anyone.  It doesn’t have to.  It’s not a finished manuscript.  This is just a blog.  Wheeee!  I think that’s one of the glories of doing this.  It doesn’t have to fixed, smoothed, make sense.  There is something very liberating about that.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Monday, December 10, 2007 in Chewing the Fat

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