my friend

Okay, he’s healthy again, he’s feeling strong, he walked on the treadmill yesterday for 8 whole minutes, didn’t get winded.  He’s gained 11 lbs and no longer looks like a walking skeleton.  And he’s leaving.  Going back to the situation and people that allowed him to sink into the depths and then further.  Whose very laziness and lack of integrity almost killed him in the first place.  He is a grown man and has the right to his choices.  Even if I disagree, have a polar opposite point of view as to what happened and why.  My heart is so sore and angry and grieving, but I also hope I am wrong.  That he is right.  That he is going towards his happiness.  And if that happiness means a shorter life perhaps, at least it’s spent the way he wanted, chose, for whatever reason. 

The thing is, as a friend, I can not stand by, witness, what I feel will be the end of him.  Choose to stay and be healthy, taken care of, loved.  Or choose to leave and when you walk out of that door, you walk out of my life, because I cannot take the heartbreak of scraping you up off the floor of the ICU again, because of a situation all of your choosing. 

I am so sad right now, I can’t even describe.  Tears flowing, because if he still choose to leave tomorrow, I can no longer be in his life.  A dearly beloved friend,.  Someone who I have taken care of, defended, protected for 14 years.  And if he chooses this.  I have to say good-by.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Friday, November 09, 2007 in Chewing the Fat