dancing in my dreams

I woke up from a most wonderful dream.  I used to have dancing dreams much more frequently.  Different ones than the one I had tonight.  I had ones where I soared, large jump combinations where I felt so light it was almost like I was flying.  I loved it when I was young, when I’d get that feeling of Ah...of lift, that airborne glorious feeling. 

As time has passed and there has been more and more years between the dancing years and the non-dancing ones, it’s like the inside heart has almost forgotten the why, and the what, and the reason behind all those hours trying to achieve, get closer to that rarely attainable perfection when everything just comes together and is, in that moment, perfect and harmonious.

I used to have these dreams quite frequently, after my accident, all those years ago, when I found out I could no longer be a dancer.  And the feeling of relief and joy to be dancing again, that freely, to have control over it, over pain, to create beauty.  And when I used to wake up, the sorrow and loss, would be so great that the tears wouldn’t stop for a very long time. 

And then gradually, the dancing dreams didn’t come so frequently.  Less and less they would appear, and when they would, I would have glimpses of that ah, that inhalation, that lightness, but only a second or two, like a slight breeze blowing a curtain aside for a second.  Just a second and then it would settle back into place. 

But tonight.  I had a glorious dancing dream.  It was different from any dancing dream I’ve ever had before.  I was on pointe.  Balanced.  I was actually better in this dream, more sure, than I ever was on pointe in life.  I was dancing with and using a tall chair, and it wasn’t a flying soaring dream, but there was such a quiet sure contentment.  Beautiful lines.  A knowledge and wonder that my body, not only remembered how to do these things but there was a stableness and a sure and simple ease.  My extensions went on forever.  There was none of that shakiness or fear that I would screw up or fall off my pointe and land on my butt.  Everything felt absolutely right.  Female, yet not in a showy way.  It was so beautiful.  And I wondered in the dream why I had never been able to dance like this before.  And I realized that it must be all those centering, balancing exercises that I’ve been doing in life.  And I didn’t realize that they would effect my dancing so much.  And I was filled with gratitude.  I woke up feeling blessed.

I lay in bed in the darkened house, the fog horn sounding off in the distance.  Still lingering in the dream.

I feel so lucky. 

Well, I’m going to go back to bed now, to try to get in another hour before the alarm clock goes and I have to get up and make breakfast.  It was just such a lovely feeling, that dream and so I wanted to write it down so I’d be able to remember it in the morning.

Much love.  I hope everybody is still nestled cozy in their beds.  Except of course for all of you bloggers on the other side of the globe.  And I hope you had a good sleep and even better dreams than me and are carousing around right now, having a fabulous time.  I’m always amazed when I wake up, to see how many people have visited here while I was sleeping.  It’s an odd thing having a blog.  It’s like a community of friends.  I don’t feel as lonely.  I don’t know what most of you look like, your hearts and your sorrows, we could walk past each other on the street and not even know it.  However the interesting thing is, I can feel you.  I hold you in my heart.  xo

Posted by Meg Tilly on Tuesday, February 19, 2008 in Chewing the Fat

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