Chewing the Fat

For those times that I want to blather on about whatever.

DNA Day!

Hey everybody,

VERY cool news.  My husband just got this email from our friend James (who is a fountain of knowledge) and IT IS DNA DAY!

And EVEN better… James sent a link to a site and for today only, to celebrate DNA day, you can get your whole genetic profiling done for only $99!  Apparently to get this done it normally cost $800!  And here’s the even greater thing, if I’d known I could get my DNA done for $800, I probably would have splurged on it, because I’m really, really curious what I’m made up of.

Anyway, if any of you are curious too, here’s the link!  But you gotta do it today or you don’t get the great deal.

Don’s not quite as enthused as me.  He got the email and told me about it, sort of shaking his head, like funny-little-James-and-his-weird-schemes.  He was really surprised when I started jumping up and down squealing “Do it!  Do it!  I’m so excited!“

“Uh…okay,“ he said, and promptly went upstairs, like the good well-behaved zombie husband he is, to get the job done!  I’m so lucky.

He came into the kitchen where I was mixing up a marinade for the salmon (minced fresh garlic, onions, a little ginger, olive oil, soy sauce, a dab of honey, celery salt, and a little bit of lemon pepper and regular pepper.  I’ll let you know if it tastes good.) 

“I did it,“ he said, sniffing at the air like a hungry dog.  “What are you making?“

“Salmon,“ I replied.

“I wasn’t going to do it,“ he said.  “I just told you about it cause I thought it was funny.“

“You weren’t going to do it?  Are you nuts?!  Why wouldn’t you do it?  Aren’t you curious?“

“No.“ He plucked a chocolate chip cookie off it’s cooling rack. 

“No?“ I shrieked.  “No!  How could you not be curious?  Don’t you want to know what your made up of?  Your blood lines?  I can hardly wait to find out.  All these years, getting so many different stories, we have Native Indian, we don’t. “ It’s Mohawk.“  “No, it’s Ojibwa.“  “No, where did you get that idea, it’s Cherokee.“  And do we have Irish from my grandfather’s side, or was that a romantic tale to make us feel more acceptable?  And I wonder if it will be able to tell me what kind of Chinese I am?  I didn’t know my dad’s side of the family much so I don’t know any of that stuff and I want to know.  I really want to know!  Do they do that?  Does DNA find out that stuff?“

“Yeah,“ Don said looking uncomfortable.  “But you find out bad things too.  Like health things that you might catch.“  Don’s a bit of a worrywart.

“Oh posh!“ I snorted (actually, I didn’t, but I thought it)  “That doesn’t worry me at all.  Just excited to know what I actually am.  And besides, if your health thing comes back and you find out that you have a propensity for something, then hey, isn’t that great!  Then you know what you need to do to help prevent it.“

Anyway, it’s very exciting.  I can hardly wait until that package comes in the mail and I spit on the whatever, and start the whole process. 

Yay, DNA Day!

Posted by Meg Tilly on Friday, April 23, 2010 in Chewing the Fat

Jennifer Tilly

Hello everyone,

For those of you who are interested, my sister is going to be on CSI April 29 9-10 pm ET/PT on CBS. 

We are going to be in the throes of moving madness, but I’m planning on taking a break from the boxing up to see it. 

Also, there is still time to cast your vote.  My sister would really like to play in that tournament, but she needs your help.  All you have to do is click and then fill in your name and email and then click on her name.  Easy!  I did it, and I haven’t gotten any spam mail or anything like that.  And if you have qualms about the morality of gambling and all that, it’s not like anyone will be losing their rent or food money with this tournament.  This is a tournament for the poker pros that have won gold bracelets for the best poker player in the World Series of Poker.  I’m not even sure if there is a buy-in on this tournament.  All I know is Jenny really, really wants to play it, but she needs enough votes in order to get to sit at the table. 

Thanks!

Posted by Meg Tilly on Friday, April 23, 2010 in Chewing the Fat

home again

We’re back.  Home sweet home. 

The event at the Clearbrook Library was lots of fun.  Smitty (the children’s librarian) was like a rock star.  Kids high-fiving her.  Shouting out her name.  Answer a question about a book right?  Get a tattoo!  (Temporary of course.)  By the end of her warm-up act she was striding up and down the aisle flinging handfuls of temporary tattoos into the crowds of smiling, cheering kids. 

What fun we had!  The questions coming fast and furious.  Everyone crowding around afterwards.  What sweethearts they were.

And there was a boy at the back of the room, there with his father.  A school day, but he wasn’t with the schools that were brought in, so his dad must have pulled for the afternoon so he could meet me.  It reminded me of myself.  It is something I would have done.  His boy had written a review of Porcupine and he asked a question, that really resonated with me.  An old soul that boy.  Doesn’t just examine the surface.  Looks deeper to gain understanding, clues.

Made me want to race home and write another book.  Even better than the last!

But… sigh… it will have to wait.  At least for a few weeks.  Boxes are arriving today, and the moving packing up madness begins.  And then comes the unpacking, the placing of the furniture, the getting used to new surroundings, trying to remember where I put what. 

But after that’s all done… Then I can write!  I’m not sure what.  Just know that I want to.  What a relief!

I am hoping this will be our last move.  Our forever home.  One never knows until one is living in a place, if it is a fit.  I’m hoping this one will be it.  We’ll see.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Monday, April 19, 2010 in Chewing the Fat

Bonds

Hello everybody,

I’ve been worrying about this for a while, so I thought I’ll just post my concerns and maybe it will be helpful to a few of you.  It’s important information and something that is vital to understand, so stick with me.

When the stock market started doing its nose dive in the Fall of 2008, many people (rightfully so) panicked.  As the stock market continued to plummet, some of you pulled everything out of the stock market, because truly, it felt like the end of the world.

Many of you, perhaps read some of the articles and saw the charts that were floating around, that showed that over the last 20 years bonds had outperformed the stock market by a pretty good margin. 

“Bonds!“ you thought.  “Safe and sound.“  So you went on-line, or you trotted down to your financial adviser and said.  “Put all that money, my retirement savings, my emergency fund, my kid’s education fund, into bonds.  I want to be safe and sound and apparently bonds are that very thing.“

Hold on a minute.

Not all bonds are created equal.  In the States there are municipal bonds.  On paper these seem like a no-brainer.  You get a higher interest rates than Government bonds and in many states, if you buy municipal bonds issued by that State, there are no taxes.  HOWEVER, it is VERY important to CHECK THE CREDIT RATING of your particular state.  Many cities and states are on the verge of insolvency and unless something big happens they might have to default on some of their obligations.  Not only that, but they, unlike the Fed. can’t print their own currency to pay off their debt.  So check carefully before you buy.  And if you have already bought, check anyway, as you can always sell, even if your bonds haven’t reached their expiry date.

With corporate bonds, you get a higher yield, but there is more risk.  You want to make sure that you (or your financial adviser) checks the credit rating, their solvency, their debt coming due, their cash balances.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Oh my, that all sounds very complicated.  Just put me in a bond fund and be done with it.“

YIKES! NOW WE COME TO THE MEAT OF MY WORRY.

I read a ton of financial material.  Many highly intelligent, respected financial experts are saying that the thirty year bull market in bonds is over. 

If that is the case, you DON’T want to be in long-term bonds, because you will be locked into a lower interest rate that won’t keep up with inflation.  I have noticed over the last few weeks that bond interest rates (and gold) have been on the rise.  Right now my bond ladder does not go out any further than 4 years, most of the maturities closer in.

AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANT:  If you want to be SAFE AND SOUND bond funds are NOT for you!  What many people don’t realize is that while owning your own bonds (if they are rated AA or AAA) means that it is pretty safe to assume that not only will you be receiving interest on your bond, BUT ALSO that when your bond matures, you will receive back the entire amount of money that you invested in the bond.  100 dollars in,100 dollars back.

With a bond fund that is NOT the case.  With a bond fund you own nothing tangible.  If the bond market dive bombs, so does your investment.  Bond funds can be very volatile things in a bond bear market, just like mutual funds are when the stock market is in a funk (or even sometimes when the market isn’t.)  And THAT is what I wanted to warn you about.

I kept picturing that some of you perhaps lost a lot of your savings and retirement money in the stock market nose dive, and worried that maybe you jumped out of the pan and possibly into the fire.  Just needed to warn those of you that perhaps didn’t understand the difference between bond funds and owning actual bonds.

Bond funds are not safe and sound.  If you are going to need that money anytime soon, and you need to make sure it’s all going to be there when you need it, you will want to be in GIC’s or T-bills.  But I wouldn’t recommend going out long-term as interest rates appear to be on the rise, and if you lock yourself into too low an interest rate, your money will lose purchasing power due to inflation.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.  I know this financial stuff is kind of boring, but it’s really important.  It’s your future and unfortunately many people don’t know the difference because no one has ever taken the time to explain it. 

With love, Meg

Posted by Meg Tilly on Sunday, April 11, 2010 in Chewing the Fat

Thanks Ruth!

Just got in from a wonderful dinner with our friends R_______ and D____.  We got a tasting menu (except for D_____ because she decided, at the happy age of 55ish, that if-not-now-when, and so she marched herself off to the orthodontist and had him slap some metal braces on her lower teeth.  Hence, she couldn’t indulge in the tasting menu, because her mouth is full of metal and sore and she can only eat soft things.)

BUT the rest of us splurged on the tasting menu and it was REALLY, REALLY good. 

I made Don do the credit card thing, because I didn’t want to ruin the lovely cozy pampered feeling in my belly, on seeing just how much it costed.  I’ll see soon enough when we get back to Canada and I slog through my monthly stack of bills and mail and finance stuff.  Much better to experience the drop when the taste of the desert isn’t still dancing on my tongue.

See, some women splurge on clothes, some on jewels, some on handbags, some on shoes.  Me…my Kryptonite is food.  Doesn’t matter if it is in a back alley, a fancy restaurant, or our own home-cooking.  If it’s tasty, I’m happy! 

I’m doubly happy right now, because not only was the dinner really tasty, but on our way back from bumping around Hampton Court palace, we stopped at Marks & Spencers and I got several bags of really fresh, lovely fruit. 

I never feel more luxurious than when I have lots of fresh fruit in the house.  So imagine, the scruffy, little Meg from the old days, with the dirt smeared face and rats nest hair, with her nose pressed up against the bakery shop in Safeway, wishing she could have a cookie, that Meg is dancing a jig right now.

Well, not an actual jig.  A cyber jig.  My fingers are dancing up and down on the key board and I’m smiling.

Anyway, here is the picture of me and Ruth.  Oh and the top I’m wearing is courtesy of my sister Jennifer.  It’s another generous gift from her closet, as is the fancy blouse that I wore to the restaurant so they wouldn’t think I wasn’t fine enough to eat there, and I am wearing now, because I haven’t gotten ready for bed yet. 

Yes, bed.  It is after midnight here.  Sweet dreams everybody.

Hmm… Don just read the blog and said, “That picture is too tiny.  You must have dragged it off the email instead of downloading it properly.“

Whatever!  I’m too tired.  (Not really that tired, but it’s a good excuse given the local time.)  Maybe I let old smarty-pants here (Don) show me how to fix it tomorrow, but as for me, I’m going to brush and floss my teeth, wash my face with a nice hot hotel wash cloth, and go to bed. 

Posted by Meg Tilly on Monday, March 15, 2010 in Chewing the Fat

It’s like this…

See, here is the problem with not blogging every day. 

Many times, over the last while, very interesting things have happened to me.  Big revelations and small.  And I would come to my computer sit down to share it with you, but then I’d think about something else that had happened, and something else, and something else, and I would think, “Well, this certainly isn’t more interesting/important than that!“ 

So, how could I write about what I wanted to, without writing about all the other things.  And it became sort of like a messy bedroom, things got piled up and piled up, until finally, it was just too much to deal with and it seemed like the easiest solution was to firmly shut the door when company came over and never let anyone in there. 

However, that can be kind of lonely.  Not to mention, guilt inducing. 

So, I’ve decided to do a “clean sweep” so to speak.  (Is that a proper phrase?)

Whatever.

I’m doing a clean sweep, like that show they used to have where a crew of people would show up at someone’s home and sift through the cluttered up disaster that was their life and make it all fresh and sparkling clean again. 

Now, my life isn’t a disaster.  It sort of felt like that for a few months after my youngest child left home and I was trying to figure out who I was when I didn’t have the ballast of my children and their lives steadying me. 

So, what I’ve decided to do is sort out the things I wanted to blog about, mention them, get on with it, so I can get back to blog comfortably, if and when I want. 

So, please forgive the rather sterile format that is to follow, but it’s the only way I could think of to dispatch all the things that have happened that I said to myself, “Now, if I was blogging, I’d blog about that!“

* My boy David GOT ENGAGED!  Huge deal.  Very exciting.  Love his fiance.

*I TURNED 50!  Another HUGE deal.  (Actually, it was huge for the couple of months leading up to it, but actually turning 50 was absolutely wonderful, and maybe someday I’ll write about it, but not now, because I’ll never get to the other things on my to-do/tell list.)

*Jenny’s friend (and makeup artist extraodinare) gave me a free Dr. Kiss!  Hmm…just typing that I realize that maybe it sounds more titillating than it actually is.  And no people a Dr. Kiss is not like some sort of fabulous kissing lesson that cures all your ills.  Dr. Kiss is a hydrating satin finish lip balm and it tastes and smells like vanilla and I really like it alot.  I tried to give him money for it, and he wouldn’t take the money because duh, it was a gift, and there I was, selfishly trying to force the money on this sweet guy because I didn’t know him very well and he was Jenny’s friend and just because I was her sister, didn’t mean that I should take advantage of his good nature, but he wouldn’t take the money, so I said, I’d blog about his balm then, and all of this happened in November 2009, and as you know, there have been no blogs forthcoming, so you can see why this was sitting heavy on my chest.  ANYWAY, if this excellent lip balm for the makeup artist to the stars sounds like something you might like, you can check it out at vanitymark.com.

*I ate at Morton and John’s restaurant Fresh and it was very tasty and I wish that there was a Fresh in my town.  (You remember Morton and John?  They were at my sister Jenny’s fabulous Paris birthday party.)

*I did another episode of Caprica and they didn’t kill me off.  Didn’t expect to do another one of them.  My friend, Eric emailed me again, and so I said, sure, because I’d had so much fun doing the last one.  I had thought Eric was directing this one as well, but he wasn’t.  Michael was.  Michael and I had very different ideas about the scene, but I figured it was his show and he seemed to know what he wanted, and it didn’t really matter to me, since I was only doing the one scene and he knew how he wanted it to tie in with everything else, so I did it his way. (Or at least I think I did, to the very best of my rusty ability.)

* We bought another house, have put this one up for sale and are going to be moving again when we come back from a trip to England to visit my boy, Will.

* I’m not looking forward to packing again.

*OR changing ALL of our mail!  Sheesh!  I just finished getting it all transfered over to this place.

*And why are we moving again?  It’s a very long story and I don’t have the time to tell it today. 

*Sometimes I love my dog, and sometimes, like when she whines in the car, I wish I didn’t have her. 

*On December 9th, I gave myself the goal to lose 10 lbs before I turned 50 and I thought it was an impossible goal to lose 10 lbs in 2 months and one week, especially over the Christmas holidays, but I DID IT!  I lost 12 1/2 and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be and I’m REALLY, REALLY happy about it!

* Yes, I bought myself a little 2 door coupe for my 50th and am embarrassed to admit that I love it.  Because I am not, have never been a person who “loves” an inanimate object.  Even worse, a car for godsakes!  I bought a car?!  How the h__l did that happen?  Who is this person in the mirror who would spend money on such a frivolous object when there is such need in the world?  And how come it gives me such a happy feeling to zip around in it.  Why do I feel so happy that I can do U-turns and dart into parking places?  Hello?  Aren’t U-turns illegal?  (Are they? hmm.  Everywhere has different rules, can’t remember if it’s okay here.  Maybe I’ll check in the morning.  Wonder who I’d call to ask.  DMV I suppose.)

*My literary agent, Laura Langlie, is the very best agent in the whole world.  She did something so thoughtful and generous Thursday, I was really quite overwhelmed. 

*I’m still in love with Don and come March we will have fallen in love 9 years ago. 

*Will is auditioning for acting schools.  Such a mix of emotions for me.  Have to trust that everything will work out.  He is good, talented, but still I get scared.  Don’t want him to get hurt.

*Emily is still plugging away on her project.  I don’t know how she does it.

* My sister Becky has started a new business, Heartsong.  She does tinctures and healing herbal teas, and for Christmas and my birthday she put together this whole regime of vitamins and healing tea and foodstuff I’m supposed to eat, to help with my aching joints and menopause and stuff.  And I know she’s my sister and loves me and all, but I was a little nervous, watching her mix all this stuff up, because I don’t generally do the vitamin/tincture/healing teas type of thing, and it all looked very mysterious and I didn’t want to get accidentally poisoned, but guess what?!  Not only did I not get poisoned…BUT it’s actually helping!  Go figure!  Crazy, little clever Becky!

*Don is going to the Olympics.  Weird that.  He is SO excited, and me?  I have no desire to go.  Absolutely none.  Strange huh.  He’s vibrating with anticipation.  We’re having to watch Olympic stuff on the TV.  I humor him and sit with him for a couple of events so it will help make this whole, I’m-going-to-the-real-live-Olympics-for-real-and-this-was-on-my-things-to-do-before-I-die-list-and-now-I’m-actually-going-to-do-it, seem like more than a party of one.  But really, left to my own devices, I wouldn’t be watching.  The last Olympic event that I watched was way back in the 80’s when my daughter was a baby and Katerina deWitt (not sure if I spelt that right) won the gold for women’s ice skating.

*What else?  There’s a ton more.  Let’s see.  Oh, Colin has been getting nominated for a zillion Best Actor awards for his performance in A Single Man!  And the whole family is super proud and happy for him.

*I finally finished my adult manuscript and don’t know if it is any good or not. 

*Ditto with the YA one.

*I’m not writing right now.  Thought maybe I was done.  But nah… Realized yesterday that I’m just taking a breather. 

*I like breathers, now that I know that’s all it is.  Let me tell you, when you think it might be the end, that you have nothing else to say, that’s not such a cheery feeling.

*Rosie helped the I’m-a-crap-writer feeling to abate as well.  It’s like sometimes I feel like she’s a drop-in guardian angel.  Plops in for a second when things get tough, says a couple of things, that maybe wouldn’t mean much to someone else, but really resonate with me, and somehow her words stick, and there is a shift and I get perspective.

*Jenny was on Craig Ferguson last night.  I’d never watched his show before.  I really liked him.  I thought he was very funny!  And of course my sister was funny as well.  And beautiful and I liked her dress and the new streaks in her hair.

*J___ got honoured at the Academy, and when they showed the clip of the old J___ talking, I started bawling my eyes out.  So sad, couldn’t stop.  Jenny, patting my back.  Me trying to get it under control before the lights came back up. 

*Norman Jewison was honoured by the Directors Guild with a Lifetime achievement award and they asked me to come to LA and made all these arrangements, emails flying back and forth, and they wanted me to arrive early and go through the press line, and Jenny made her friend come over and do my makeup, even though I insisted that I was perfectly competent to put on my own makeup. 
But when we got there, I don’t know what happened, but I thought, they don’t want to talk with me, even though the man from the Directors Guild has specifically asked me to go through the press line with it’s red carpet and flashing light blubs, and instead I slipped around the back and disappeared in the crowd.  But now I feel bad about it, because I was there for Norman, who was the kindest director I ever worked for, and I should have gone through and talked about what a wonderful man he is, and how lucky I was to know him and work with him.  And how the world is a better place for him having been in it.  But I didn’t. 

Posted by Meg Tilly on Saturday, February 20, 2010 in Chewing the Fat

Facebook

Hmm…

I’ve just found out that I have a Facebook page.  And apparently if you go there you can “interact” with me. 

The only problem with this is, I don’t have a Facebook page.  Don’t know how to get on it.  Don’t use it.  My kids have them and I suppose, even though I know other people who do, I figured are places one wants ones mother and there are places one doesn’t.  And I’ve heard about the sort of shenanigans that apparently are posted on Facebook pages, and so, just in case, I didn’t want to inadvertently stumble onto something that one of my children would rather I didn’t.

Just thought, I should let you know.

Maybe one of my publishers put the page up or something.  I have no idea.

I’m not sure if there is a tweet-thing for me, but just in case, I don’t tweet either.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

My friend Samantha is coming over!

This is a very exciting thing.  I haven’t seen her in a while and she is so much fun to be around and her husband is nice as well.  To which some of my readers are probably thinking, well yeah, if she’s nice, it stands to reason her husband is nice.

Not necessarily so.

Actually, a fun to be around husband and wife team is a very hard thing to find.  Usually, one of us will really like one half, and the other…well… tolerate is not the right word, but you get my drift.

Anyway, we came back from the little island cabin where we were hunkered down, so we could see them.  I figured, as of today, it has been 8 1/2 days since I got my H1N1 shot, and I know they say 10 days before one is out of the woods, but I figure, if they were sick, they wouldn’t be jaunting off on a romantic get-away.  So, I’m probably safe.

But here is my problem.  See, I was excited she was coming.  I told her the house was a mess.  I told her that if we didn’t mind, why should she. 

I was fully planning to stick to my guns, but then at around noon, some sort of weird foreign crazed cleaning woman took over my soul.  And I dusted and swept and vacuumed and mopped, and cleaned and scrubbed.  And got Don to help me bring some chairs downstairs. 

Now all of this would have been fine.  I should have left well enough alone.

BUT NO!

As I was putting away my feather duster, I happened to spy an ancient half-used spritz bottle of Pledge.  Orange flavor.  Well…  I squirted that stuff all over the table, and cut up an old tee-shirt and went to town.

Well, here’s the problem.  I was a little over zealous with my trigger finger.

The table is slick as a skating rink and VERY greasy.

Never mind that I tried to sop up the extra oil and sprinted around the house rubbing my cloth on anything that was made of wood.  Never mind that not another drop of Pledge was required to get EVERYTHING gleaming. 

No matter what I do, the house stinks of Pledge, and if anyone happens place an elbow on the table, they will ruin their shirt. 

I am going to have to tell them to roll up their sleeves.  Maybe I should give them aprons as well, just in case they lean forward.

So much for pretending I am naturally neat and my house is always this clean.

Sigh…

Posted by Meg Tilly on Saturday, November 07, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

Oh, also…

Another few things, memories, I want to jot down.

Cricket, at SIWC, our chat right before the blue pencil appointment started.  Somehow we got on the subject of my youngest boy leaving home and what she said, about this next stage in life, moved me deeply.  Had to turn away, for a second, because my eyes filled up.  And I hope, what she said comes true.  But even if it doesn’t, what a lovely thought she gave me, to hold in my heart.

Don, helping me with my lines.  Over and over again.  Never had a relationship like that.  Where I could be so vulnerable and unjudged, so supported on every level.

Lucky.  That’s what I am.

Okay, back to bed, to try to get a little more sleep, before we start the day.

Much love, Meg xo

Posted by Meg Tilly on Wednesday, October 28, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

Fun, fun, fun!

Spent the day on the set yesterday. 

So odd, the driver, pulling onto the lot, up to the trailers, “Here you are,“ he said.  And I got this wave of uncertainty, couldn’t remember what it was that I was supposed to do.  What was the order of things?  What was expected of me?  Was I supposed to go directly to hair and makeup?  Or was I supposed to go to my trailer and get in wardrobe? 

“Um…“ I said.  “I don’t remember what I’m supposed to do?“ 

“Pardon?“ His pale eyebrows rising above his wire rimmed glasses.

“It’s been so long, 15, 16 years, I don’t remember the order of things.  Where I’m supposed to go?  What I’m supposed to do?“

“Oh.  Uh…“ he swallowed. Concerned.  “I don’t exactly know.  I’m just the driver.  Hold on.  You stay right here.“  He hopped out of the van, shut the door behind him, but the latch didn’t catch, so the car emitted a high pitched rhythmic bing, bing, bing.  I watched him walk between the trailers, through the front windshield, it was clear from the way he was perched over from his waist, that he struggles with a cranky back. 

He returned, success!  He had an AD in tow, who took me to my trailer, and then it was the whole hurry up and wait. 

I forgot about that too.  Hadn’t brought my computer, or anything to work on.  Just me and my thoughts, crowding up the empty space.  The trailer smelled of propane.  We were parked under a freeway pass.  I opened the windows anyway, the roar of the traffic overhead, very loud.  And then I waited.  2 1/2 hours, which in movie hours is not very long at all.

Once we got started however, it was go, go, go.  The crew worked very fast.  I’ve never seen anything like it. 

Guess what else? 

They don’t use measuring tapes anymore, marking everything off for focus.  There isn’t someone crouched over, scuttling alongside of the camera, adjusting the focus as the camera or the actor moves.  They have hand-held remote focus things now.

And they have this screen thing that E___, the director, was walking around with that showed him what all three cameras were doing at all times. 

So, some things were different, and some things were the same.

In the very beginning, the first take or so, I felt unsure, like, can I still do this?  Was this a mistake?  But then, it’s like something else kicked in, muscle memories or something and it was okay. 

Better than okay.  It was so much fun.  A relief actually.  To be acting again, creating with others.  Cozy. 

I loved having a little taster part.  Nothing hanging on my shoulders.  Do the best one can and that is all that one can do.  The show won’t sink or succeed because of me.  I’m more of a blip, a hiccup, a comma.  I loved that!

I don’t know why, but think I enjoyed myself so much more than I would have, had it been a larger part.

Perhaps because the larger the role, the larger the responsibility.  And me?  I’ve been doing responsibility for my whole entire life.

Nope, this is the new me, breeze in, do a little bit here, a little bit there, and voila, I’m done! 

Today we go home, tuck into the writing, cook up some yummy food, walk on the beach, now that is the life!

I had so much fun, visiting the me from the past.  The Agnes inside me, doing a happy, happy dance that she got to wear such a pretty habit.  That she was fancy now.  Even though the two characters are nothing like each other, there was a connection as well.  SO much fun!  And I was lucky, because both W_____ and P____ were wonderful to work with.  Generous, talented actors, who gave fully, behind the camera and well as in front. 

And it was fun to catch up with my friend, E___.  Who, not only was acting in this episode, but was directing it as well.  And you know, watching him direct, was like watching him step into his true self.  That man is a director.  He is talented.  I knew when we acted together all those years ago, that he would be a good director, but I had no idea just how good.

I am very glad he tracked me down.  I very glad he asked me to do the cameo.  And I’m very glad that I said yes.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Wednesday, October 28, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

This menopause stuff is highly inconvenient

Here I am at a hotel in Surrey, the whole building is asleep.  The whole building that is, but me.  I woke up an hour ago just a few minutes after 4 am, after the hot flash abated, my brain decided that rather than drifting peacefully back into the sleep world that it would rather race over the events of the last few days.  Which is not the most practical choice, because I have to be fully functioning in a couple of hours, one does not want to be doing blue pencil appointments, and speak on panels, with a groggy mind. 

A lot has happened.  Saw Don read from his book, my heart swelling with pride.  My own book reading for SIWC.  Mark and his girlfriend showing up, very sweet, with two books for me in hand, and good advice to boot.  Brandy from the last time I was at this store, glowing, due in 4 months, it took me a while to place her, it didn’t really drop in until later, lying in bed, my husband asleep beside me, and then I remembered, our previous conversation from before.  This woman deeply moves me.  Another woman, the first one in line, who had managed to dig up all of my books.  Lovely face, thoughtful eyes. 

I also have been going for wardrobe fittings for the show I’m going to be doing, and it is SO much fun!  Love the women who are designing the clothes.  So much fun, saying hello to an old, but new experience.  I’m really, really having a great time, figuring out the character, the reasons, the whys.  So grateful to have something to focus on, to take my mind off this big change that has occurred.  The no-longer-a-full-time-mother shift.  It’s an odd thing to get ones mind around.

Yes, Will left.

And me, I sit here, my fingers perched over the keyboard, a million memories of the last few days at home flying through my head.  We hung out even more than usual in the days leading up to his departure.  I don’t know if it was him taking care of me, or me taking care of him, but somehow it’s like everything was amplified, like the world shifted and dropped into a deeper level.  Sweet, tender, like the nectar sucked from the bottom of a plucked honeysuckle flower, a faint, magical, sweet echo of the taste of childhood and hot dusty barefoot summers.

I managed to hold it together at the airport.  Pretended that he was only going for summer vacation.  That nothing was going to change, be different.  That it was just another hello-and-goodby type thing. We walked around, bought way too many books and magazines and candy.  Walked around some more.  Sat down, had a drink.  None of us thirsty, but none of us mentioning it.  The wristwatch on my arm, ticking away.

At the departure gate, no more putting it off, he bent over and gave me a hug, the kind of hug he used to give me when he was little, I felt him drop a kiss on the top on my head, and honest, I don’t even remember the last time one of my kids did that.  Made my eyes fill up.  But, luckily, he turned to hug Don and I kept my voice jokey and light and he didn’t see.  And I was glad about that, because if I had started crying, it might have made him sad too, and I didn’t want sorrow to be the overwhelming memory of when he took this brave step out into the next phase of his life.  I wanted him to be able to look forward to the future with open arms, a time of possibilities and joy.

We waved and called out, I love you, until he disappeared behind the opaque security screens.  And still, Don and I stayed, my hand in his now, his in mine, trying to catch a glimpse of our boy between the pencil width cracks in the panels that kept him from our view.

And suddenly, we saw a bit of him, and he waved and we waved, the tips of his fingertips rising up and over the top of the screens.  We waved until the security woman made us move back behind the belted off area. And when we turned back from our new spot, Will was gone.  And I hoped he didn’t think we left, abandoned him there, while he was still waving.  That we didn’t care and had gone on to our life.  Our new life without the day-to-day him. 

“He’s gone,“ Don said.  But still I stayed a waved a little more, just in case he came back and looked through the crack again. 

Finally, I turned my reluctant body around.  “Okay,“ my voice sounding like it belonged to someone else.  Chock-full of cheery brisk, lets-get-to-it ness.  “We’re off.“

We started down the hall, and then I remembered that drink we had and that it was around 45 minutes back to our hotel and we were approaching a bathroom on my right.  “I’m just going to pop in here for a second,“ I said.

“Good idea,“ Don replied.

I zipped into the bathroom.  It wasn’t too busy.  There were a lot of stalls empty.  I went in.  Locked the door, pulling my shirt sleeve down over my fingers, because who-the-hell-wants-swine-flu?  Unspooled some toilet paper, started to lay it out on the seat, and then this wave of loss and sadness, engulfed me, almost dropped me to my knees.  He’s gone.  My boy has gone.  The memories of him hugging me good-by, still fresh around me.  He’s gone.  My boy has gone.

But it is not the end of the world, because he will be back.  Back but different, and that is the way of things.  Everything is the way it should be.  Life goes on, with joys and sorrows and one has to love and let go.  Hold tender in one’s heart, love enough to let unclasp the hand that wants that keeps them earthbound and safe, because that is the way of things. 

I just glanced back over what I’ve written.  The title of this blog, no longer suits. 

Oh well. 

It’s 6 am now.  I think I’ll sign off, crawl back in bed, and try to get another hour or so of sleep before the busy, busy day ahead of me.  Bye.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Friday, October 23, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

The shifting horizon

I am sitting here in the living room, Will bumping around overhead, sorting through things, deciding what he wants to bring to London.  Every once in a while he calls down, should I bring this?  Should I bring that? 

It’s hard for me to sit down here and let him go at it.  I wish I could race up there and help sort, but really, it wouldn’t be a help.  Only he knows what he wants to bring, what he can do without.

So hard to get my mind around the fact that he’s actually going to go.  That his bags are actually going to get packed, the plane is going to be caught and the next phase will have stepped over the threshold and be a reality.

And I know people are thinking, oh Meg, get over yourself, it’s not such a big deal, he’ll be home for holidays, for a few years anyway, no biggie.

But it is.  I know how much things change.  Don’t forget, I’ve had two children leave home and grow up all ready.  It’s different.  It’s nice in some ways, but in other ways not. 

My friend, E__c, whose show I’m going to do the cameo on, sent me pictures of his adorable little kids.  Cute little moffets.  One crawling, and teething, the other racing around the house, and it was such a mix looking at the photos, like, oh my I remember those ages and all that goes with it.  The warm snuggly bodies, sticky fingers, sloppy I-love-you kisses.  The giggles and pitter-patter of feet.  The sorrows that would arrive suddenly and leave just as quick.  I miss all that. 

I don’t miss the sleepless nights, and worry about keeping them safe, and fed and making sure they knew they were loved.  The absolute aloneness I so often felt after they had gone to bed. 

That’s what I worry about sometimes.  I’ve been so busy, trying to make it a nice, cozy, safe peaceful, life.  Trying to dot all the i and cross the t’s.  Trying to be the best mom I can, but now?  What if when my last one goes, it is that absolute aloneness, like the wreckage left after a hurricane, grateful I survived it, but wondering, what-the-hell-was-that, and who am I now? 

I feel so different. 

I’m eating a lot.  Trying to fill the hole I guess.  Have gained back all that I lost on our trip.  Not gorging.  Just a constant nibbling. 

But the weird thing is, I’m happy as well.  Through out their childhood, an on-going litany, that was always going through my head, “Please God, let me get them safely to adulthood.  Please.“  I don’t think a day, or night went by, where I didn’t send that prayer up to the heavens, down into the earth, just on the off chance that a higher power might happen to be listening.  That was my goal.  That was my ultimate most fervent wish.  And come Tuesday, that wish will have been granted.  They will all be grown, on to the next phase of their lives, minds, bodies, limbs, mostly intact.  Good hearts, good people.  Intelligent.

I’m proud of my kids and the adults they are becoming, have become.  I made mistakes, bumbled through, but we got there, just the same.  I love my kids.  Always will. 

Am missing Will already.

Posted by Meg Tilly on Saturday, October 17, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

Okay, my dear bloggereenos

You want to hear something really fun?

No, my manuscript is not roaring along.  Thank you very much for asking.

What I’m talking about is a different kind of fun.  The kind of thing that one does because why-the-hell-not.  That’s the kind of fun I’m talking about.

An old friend managed to track me down. (Old as in, I knew him way back when.  Not old as in tons of wrinkles.  Although, unless the years were kinder to him than they were to me, I’m sure there are a few.) 

And guess what?

He’s shooting a TV show in Vancouver of all places!  What a small world huh?  Anyway emails flew back and forth, pictures of kids, invitations to stay and the next thing I knew, I’d agreed to do a little cameo in his show.  Funny huh? 

Apparently it’s some sort of futuristic thing on some planet or another.  I’ll know more once I read a script.  It’s a weird feeling.  A sort of happy, dance-dance-dancy feeling.  Like a hello to a Meg from the past.  But different too.  No career to worry about.  No responsibility resting on my shoulders.  Just get to show up for a day, have fun playing dress-up, eat too many goodies at the craft service table, hang out with my friend, be paid a little money for having a good time, and then I’m back off to my little seaside cottage.  What could be nicer?

I’m really looking forward to it.  Working with other people.  Being a writer is nice and all, but it can be a little lonely. 

Posted by Meg Tilly on Thursday, October 15, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

Stupid old Bodo

Jenny got knocked out, but hey she got to the final table and came in FIFTH and that is certainly something wonderful to celebrate about!

AND, speaking of celebrating…PHIL LAAK is the NEW WORLD OPEN CHAMPION!!  So, that certainly is a a happy something.

WHEEEEEE!  GO PHIL!

Posted by Meg Tilly on Thursday, October 15, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

Update

I just found something on-line!  They are down to five players now, Jenny and Phil are still going strong.  There is no chip leader.  Sending good thoughts. 

Posted by Meg Tilly on Thursday, October 15, 2009 in Chewing the Fat

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