Yes, I used to be a movie actress, but the truth is, it feels like it happened to someone other than me. Like a dream world that hovers just around the bend. Sometimes I'll be on my way somewhere and I'll drive by, walk by a movie set. See the trailers. The makeup trailers, the honeywagons, the prop truck, and I recognize them. Know which one is the grip truck, which one is craft services, wardrobe. And yet, there's a distance too, a haziness, like I'm seeing it through fog. Can't believe that used to be me. My life.
Do I regret quitting? Absolutely not. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I had the privilege of watching my children grow up. I was there for the joys and the sorrows, the challenging heartbreaking times as well as the giddy, exuberant triumphs. I would not have traded those years for anything in the world.
Of all the movie sets I was on, there were only a few that touched my heart deeply. They were, Agnes of God, Big Chill, Girl on a Swing (Although the finished version sucked. I loved the director's cut. The long version. Unfortunately, the version the public saw, the producer's cut was a disaster. An embarrassment. But the reason I include this movie, is that I learned so much from Karin, the character that I played. Her way of being, changed me profoundly, changed my life.) Amadeus, (I tore my ligaments while in Prague, the day before I was to start shooting, and they had to recast my part. But working with Milos Forman for the six months it took to be cast and then for the seven weeks of rehearsals were a great gift. I learned so much about working with him. So much. Such a talented director.) Valmont, and The Two Jakes, (the movie was not successful, but working, acting with Jack Nicholson was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. A total rush. Stepping into a scene with him was like clasping hands, and leaping off a enormous cliff, whooping and hollering, such an adrenaline high, such purity in the moment, that you couldn't be anywhere else. You were just there, in the moment, and maybe the parachute would open and maybe it wouldn't and if it didn't? You didn't even care, because being that truly and totally present was so much fun!)
Unfortunately, I don't have many pictures from my movie days. For the most part, I didn't take pictures or keep the ones that were given to me. However here are the few that I have.
I would like to dedicate this page to Peggy Fuery, my acting teacher, who taught me so much about acting, the world, myself. She passed away in 1986, and I still miss her.